Hidden Meanings
by anythinglikeiwrite
Summary: She wasn't going to let herself not tell him how she felt, but he needed time right now, time to adjust to this present they were living in where he was recovering from a bullet that nearly killed him, one that was the result of him being the man she loved - Inspired by 7x11


It felt like a struggle to open her eyes, as she felt like she had just fallen asleep. But the ringing of her phone told her she couldn't listen to her brain and fall back asleep.

"Upton?" she answered, her last name coming out as a question. She wasn't sure what time it was but considering she hadn't fallen asleep until around four am, she knew coffee would be her best friend today.

"Robbery in Canaryville," she heard Voight say. "Crawford wants us to take it over. I'm sending you the address right now."

"Copy that," she told him before hanging up. Her phone dropped onto the bed as she sighed. For once, she wished she could have a normal morning, but nothing had been normal as of late. As the thought crossed her mind, she heard a groan from beside her, causing her attention to shift.

"Voight?" she heard, her head turning to find her partner's eyes slowly opening. She couldn't answer him yet as she took in his barely awake appearance, her breath catching at the sight.

This was a first, and while her mind flashed back to the first time waking up next to Adam, none of the awkwardness was here now with Jay. It hadn't meant to happen, she didn't mean to wake next to him, in his bed, a few weeks after he was shot. But now, she just looked at him, unruly brown hair and familiar green eyes that she could now see had a little bit of blue in them. She couldn't remember a time when they had ever been this close, but her heart swelled at the idea of this being another thing.

"Hails?" he asked, causing her attention to snap back to the present, to stop daydreaming about a future where waking up beside him was a normal thing.

"Yeah?" she answered, pushing herself up so she could sit up in bed. "That was Voight, robbery in Canaryville. Crawford has requested us to take it on."

"Better get moving," he told her before slowly sitting up himself.

"Hey," she interrupted him, reaching out to help him. He still had the sling on, but she knew he was ready to get it off and be back to full duty. She let her hand brush down his back after making sure he was upright and stable, fingertips dipping into curves created by muscle. Despite the shirt he wore, she was amazed at how warm his skin was and defined he was.

"Thanks," he told her, turning his head to look at her. "Seriously, get going. It's a good twenty minute drive from here to Canaryville. I'll be fine."

"And how are you going to get to the district?" she asked as she slid out of bed.

"Will is on his way to take me in for an appointment," he told her. "I'll have him drop me off."

Hailey just nodded as she busied herself with digging around for clothes. At this rate, she wasn't sure what she had here, but the jeans and black shirt she found were good enough for today.

"Is he staying tonight?" she asked him, walking towards the bathroom. The domesticity of the situation still felt comfortable, and she wasn't sure whether that should scare her, or force her to do the thing she should have done the day she picked him up from Med.

"I'll ask him, but I don't think so," Jay told her, his voice louder to reach her in the bathroom. She left the door cracked as she changed for work, moving quickly to get him ready and be on scene on time.

"He's been busy most nights that I've talked to him," Jay continued as she walked back into his room.

"Maybe he's seeing someone?" she asked as she grabbed her boots. She could see him shrug as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"I would assume he would tell me, but then again, he's Will."

Hailey just laughed at his comment as she finished lacing up her boots. As she walked over to his closet, she heard the bathroom door close, giving her a small amount of time by herself. It shouldn't be this easy, she thought to herself, it shouldn't feel this comfortable this soon, especially when their relationship existed in so much grey area.

She pulled out a pair of jeans and a brown sweater, hoping it would be easy for him to get on. His mobility was better, but one wrong move could still affect whether he got the final all clear.

"Hails?" she heard him yell from the bathroom. "Can you grab me a pair of underwear?"

There was no hesitation in his voice she noticed. He just asked for it like it was the simplest thing ever, like he had asked her that before.

The worst part was that she knew exactly where to look.

She grabbed the first pair she saw before walking towards where his hand stuck out of the bathroom.

"I've got clothes for you," she told him. "Now hurry up so I can leave."

"Yes dear," he told her mockingly as she sat down on his bed, checking her phone for the time. Not even ten seconds later he walked out, and she had to try hard not to pay attention to how good he looked everywhere.

It didn't seem to faze Jay much, but she also knew he wasn't quite awake yet. He just walked towards her, and she had to focus anywhere but his lower half, because she had never met a guy built quite as well as he was.

No words were spoken as she helped him pull his jeans up, allowing him to button them himself, with one hand, a skill that surprised her more than it should. Once he was done, she stood, helping him carefully take his sling off so they could get his black t-shirt off.

Jay complained the first night about sleeping with the sling on, and the slight burn he got forced him to wear a shirt every night since, something she learned he hated more than anything. But they had a good routine when it came to getting shirts on and off him, and she wouldn't lie, she was dreading when he no longer needed her help.

"How long do you think your appointment will be?" she asked him, needing the conversation to break her mind from the dangerous territory it was creeping towards.

"Ugh," he groaned as he moved his shoulder slightly. "Hopefully not long. They just want to check on the range of motion, make sure I really can go back to full duty."

"You will," she told him, moving up on her tip toes to help him get his head through the neck. Her fingers skimmed his warm skin as she pulled the sweater down his torso, once again feeling every dip created by muscles that were still there, despite not having worked out in over four weeks.

"You ready for me to be back?" he asked her, smirking slightly. All she wanted to do was roll her eyes, because while she would never admit it, she did miss him by her side.

"Yeah," she told him honestly, remembering the promise she made to herself. "It's not the same."

After she dropped him off at his apartment following his discharge, she told herself that she would be more honest about her feelings, and more open with Jay. She wasn't going to let herself not tell him how she felt, but he needed time right now, time to adjust to this present they were living in where he was recovering from a bullet that nearly killed him, one that was the result of him being the man she loved.

"I get that," he told her, his voice soft like it had been that day in his room. "It's hard watching you guys go out while I'm left alone. But it's harder knowing that I don't have your back."

Since she had been more honest with him, so had he, even when this new development was unspoken. She would guess that there was this acknowledgement that something changed, everything had changed since that day she found him in that factory.

"I gotta go," she told him, stepping back when she realized how close their bodies were, her hands still resting near his waist as her fingers played with the hem of his sweater. "Text me when you're heading to the district."

"I will," he told her. "Be safe."

Hailey looked back at him, blue eyes meeting green before nodding, silently telling him yes. No more words were spoken as she grabbed her gun, badge and jacket, his eyes following her as she wandered around his room.

But as she walked past him, she realized she forgot to help him tie his boots. He sensed that before waving her on.

"I'll make Will do it," he told her. "Go, you're gonna be late."

With that, she left, but part of her heart was still with him.

* * *

A phone call didn't wake her up this morning, but she still wanted to go back to sleep, fall back into a world where this one didn't exist.

Because this one was pure hell, because in this one, she and Jay weren't together, both at work and outside of it.

Once again, just like yesterday, a groan pulled her from her thoughts, causing her to turn towards her partner.

"What time is it?" he asked, his right hand moving to rub at his eyes.

"Little after seven," she told him. "We've gotta be in in like an hour."

"Ugh," he groaned. But she knew he wasn't tired or upset. The pain meds he was on had messed with his internal clock, and his usual wake up time was thrown off in what he considered to be the worst way.

"Come on," she said, moving to get out of bed herself. "If you hurry, we can stop for coffee."

That had him up, or as much as he could by himself. The doctor had told him to try and start doing things like sitting up on his own, as he felt that he could now. And while she tried to give him space, she could see the frustration bubbling under the surface.

"Do you want help?" she asked.

"No, I got it," he said, and sure enough he did. It took a lot of energy out of him, something Hailey could tell was frustrating him to no end. Jay wasn't the kind of guy that could sit around and do nothing, especially when it took him away from the thing he loved the most, his job. He knew he got lucky with Voight letting him come back so quickly, even if he was just sitting around doing paperwork and research.

"You look good, Jay," she told him quietly. The double meaning wasn't lost on her, or her partner, as he just smiled back at her.

"What do you want to wear?" she asked him, walking towards his closet.

"Just grab my hoodie," he replied. "And whatever pair of jeans you think will go with it."

Hailey fought to roll her eyes, because only Jay would be concerned if his jeans would go with the black hoodie he never seemed to part with. She pulled a pair off the pile on top, throwing it, a black Henley and his jacket onto his bed.

"Jay!" she yelled as she checked the time. "Either hurry up or I'm changing in here."

"Just change," he told her, his voice echoing from the crack in the bathroom door. She quickly did as she was told, pulling off her pajamas and fishing out the first shirt and jeans she found in her bag. She pulled her jeans on first before stripping what was actually Jay's shirt off. In her rush, she couldn't find a bra, or remember where hers from yesterday was.

"Fuck," she mumbled under her breath, knowing she had seconds to put it on before Jay came back in.

"Hails," she heard, causing her to snap her head up, turning towards Jay's voice. She somehow had the instinct to cover herself up, only to find Jay standing in the bathroom doorway, her black bra dangling off his fingers.

"Looking for this?" he asked her. Hailey couldn't answer, her mind fixated on what a scene this must be, her in only jeans and Jay standing across the room in his boxers and t-shirt.

"Thanks," she mumbled as he tossed it to her, her arms moving slightly as she caught it easily. The smirk on his face told her he was loving seeing her flustered, and Hailey knew she had to one up him. Before she could think about it and without breaking eye contact, she moved her arms, baring herself as she put her bra on in full view of her partner's eyes. The smirk dropped off his face as he watched her intently, his teeth biting his lower lip.

"Better get ready, Halstead," she told him as she pulled her shirt on. Her little show worked, but she had to get him dressed so they could leave.

"Come on," she coached him, walking over before kneeling down, letting him step into his jeans. They were both on autopilot after that, knowing they wasted time minutes ago doing whatever the hell that was. She helped him out of his sling before carefully slipping his arm through the jacket.

"You okay?" Hailey asked, her voice soft as she saw the discomfort on his face.

"Yeah," he told her through gritted teeth. "The range of motion is coming back. It's just stiff from not being used."

"I get that," she told him, moving to zip his jacket up. "You'll be back in no time."

"One more week," he said softly, promise clear in his voice.

"One more week," she replied, holding back the sarcastic remark that was on the tip of her tongue. "Grab your boots and meet me by the door. I'm going to brush my teeth."

"Copy that," he told her. The few minutes alone helped her gather her thoughts, her mind replaying everything that happened this morning.

She knew he had been close to overstaying her welcome, even as she found herself spending the night knowing Will was off. It had become normal, the familiarity of falling asleep and waking up next to Jay helped her sleep at night. They were in sync as they moved around Jay's tiny apartment at night, and she had no intention of returning the shirts of his she slept in when she eventually went home.

Even when she didn't want to ever leave.

"Hailey!" she heard as she once again zoned out this morning. Coffee was needed, or else she would never focus.

"I'm coming!" she yelled back. "Order the coffee!"

"I paid last time!" he shot back.

"Just use my phone!" she told him, and it was then that she knew she was in deep. He knew her password, knew her order and everything in between. Jay had gotten so far into her life and her heart that he would never leave, not that she wanted him to.

Eventually, she would have to tell him. She couldn't keep her feelings hidden like some dirty little secret. Because deep down, she had an inkling that he felt the same way, that if she bared the small part of her soul he hadn't yet seen, he wouldn't brush her off. His feelings were the same as hers, but she didn't know why was she holding back.

As she walked into the living room, finding him adjusting his sling once more, it all clicked. That damn sling and that stupid bullet were two of the reasons she couldn't tell him, not yet. She knew better by now that he had to move on from this, as much as Jay Halstead could move on from a case he was so personally invested in. Hailey needed him clear headed from everything surrounding Angela Nelson and Marcus West. When that time came, she could revisit her feelings.

But for now, she needed him safe and healthy, and the only thing she knew to do was help him in any way she can.

* * *

Platt had called him down to fill out some paperwork, something about his injury that he needed before returning to active duty. He had to wait for Hailey anyways, considering she was his ride home.

"How are you feeling?" Platt asked as he glanced down at the form he was signing.

"Getting there," he told her honestly. He learned a long time ago that you couldn't lie to this woman. "Little stiffness in the morning, but nothing some stretching won't solve."

Jay saw her nod her head before his attention was back on the never-ending stack of forms. He could faintly hear Kim and Hailey's voices, and he felt relief knowing their case was wrapped up and he was closer to being back.

"Hey, Jay," Platt said, her voice quieter than he normally heard it. "Have you talked to Hailey?"

Her question caught him off guard, because he knew that Platt knew he talked to Hailey, probably more than he talked to his own brother.

"About what?" he asked, wanting her to be more specific.

"Everything that happened," she replied. "She never left Med until after you woke up. I stopped by once and I have never seen her more distraught."

Jay processed her words, but before he could reply, he heard their voices get louder. A quick glance and he could see their legs walking downstairs, chatting away about something. The click of the gate pulled him away, looking back to see he had one more signature before he heard his name.

"Jay, any word on Nick?" Kim asked. He slid the form back to Platt before turning to face the girls.

"Uh, yeah," he replied. "Med said he's critical but stable. They think he's gonna pull through."

"That's good," Kim replied, leaning against the front desk.

"Yeah," Jay said, his attention turning to Hailey. "I heard you made a nice disarm."

Jay watched as she smirked before turning to walk out. He fell into step beside her, Kim following behind them.

"Oh, man," she answered, knowing where he was going with this. "You want details?"

"Yeah, I'm losing my mind," he answered honestly. Despite still not being able to drink anything, he wanted some time with his partner, wanted to hear all the details about this case and this badass disarm she made.

"After six days?" he heard Kim ask.

"After six minutes," he replied, because that was the truth. He was dying over here, and he hoped Hailey's stories from this case would give him the adrenaline rush he was craving.

"Hey, Burgess, you got a sec?" Platt asked, causing them to turn back towards Kim.

"Yeah, uh, I'll meet up with you guys," she told them. He just nodded at her, before walking down the stairs and out the door, the cool Chicago air meeting his face instantly.

"You sure you want to go to Molly's?" Hailey asked.

An hour ago, he was ready to get out of the district and be anywhere but at his apartment. But as he looked down at his partner, he could see the exhaustion in her eyes, despite her words telling otherwise.

"How about we go home, and I'll order something?" he asked, catching the way her eyes lit up briefly. "My treat?"

"That sounds perfect," Hailey told him. "Your place? Then you don't have to get a ride home?"

"You're just saying that so you don't have to drive me," he told her. Jay knew she meant well, despite his teasing. She was always thinking of him, and that realization once again had him questioning everything that was Hailey and whatever this was between them.

They made the walk to her car in silence, him doing as she asked and texting Kim that they weren't going to make it to Molly's.

"She said that's fine," he told her after a while. "Said she just wanted to go home, but she did say there was something she wants to tell all of us tomorrow?"

"Huh," Hailey said, her eyes focused on the road ahead of them. "Wonder if it's that she and Adam are back together?"

"Wait what?" he asked, his head whipping towards her.

"Don't act like you didn't know," she shot back.

Jay was silent as he processed the bombshell that was the fact Kim and Adam had gotten back together. How long, and how had that kept it hidden from the unit for so long?

He didn't speak the rest of the ride home, both of them content to just be in the same place with each other, alive and breathing. It had sort of become a thing with them, taking the time to be in the other's presence, the silent communication thing they had going on being more apparent.

Jay knew Hailey was badly affected by everything that had happened to him. Hailey's actions, Voight's lectures and now Platt's words were evidence enough that while she was hiding it well, his kidnapping and shooting changed her as much as it changed him.

"Home sweet home," he heard her mumble, breaking his thoughts as he realized Hailey had parked next to his truck.

"Finally," he replied, having never been so happy to see his place, knowing it meant he wasn't stuck at work anymore.

"You act like you do nothing at work," she told him, reaching into her backseat to grab her bag.

"That's how it feels," he replied honestly. She was silent as they got out of her car, before she stopped him on the sidewalk, her hand reaching out to grasp his.

"Don't think that," she said, her voice softer. "You've helped more than you know these past few weeks. You're irreplaceable to this team."

As soon as she said it, that same sorrowful look glazed over her eyes. it was the same one he saw as she pleaded with him to not answer Bobby's phone call, to put all of this behind him, behind them.

"Hailey," he said, his good hand reaching up towards her face. She melted into him, her head falling heavily into his palm.

There was so much he wanted to say, but the words didn't come. He wanted to apologize once more, but she had admonished him time after time for doing so. He wanted to tell her thank you, for so many different reasons that he was sure it would take hours. He wanted to ask what she was going to tell him, what had she realized when he was in surgery.

But for now, he was content to just be with her now, hoping he could offer her some comfort for all he had put her through the last few weeks. She deserved it, hell she deserved the world, and he would never stop trying to give that to her.

"Are you going to stay?" he finally asked. The unstated questions hung between them, out of fear that once Jay asked, this bubble they built would come crashing down.

"Yeah," she whispered, nodding her head that was still resting in the palm of his hand. "For as long as you need."

Hailey had taken that step, understanding exactly what he meant and telling him much more then he expected. She would be the first, the first person that would stay, the first person that wouldn't leave him ever. That thought alone had him smiling down at her, likely the first real smile since this whole ordeal started, before he moved his hand away from her face to reach for her hand.

"Thank you," he whispered, pulling her close. He felt her arms wrap around his middle, his good arm wrapping around her shoulders. His senses were assaulted by everything Hailey and he never felt more content than to stand right here, the Chicago wind around them but he didn't care.

Everything he needed was right here.

* * *

**Hope everyone enjoyed this! Just a little fun after everything that has happened with Jay and Hailey these past few episodes! **


End file.
